White Chocolate
by Aiece of Spades
Summary: What the kitties? Dats not normals!” Derek said, also covering his face. Angie froze. “What did you just do?” Rated T for Victor's existence. And his cursing. STILL written by my friend, Mia.
1. Chapter 1

**THE FINAL STORY OF THE CRAZY CHOCOLATE STORY. EPIC.**

**I don't own Trauma Center…so yeah. :(**

**For some reason, my Lolcats talk isn't as Lol-catty as normal. I is sorry.**

**This is Part 1.**

Derek Stiles sat in his swivel chair, spinning around pointlessly. He sighed deeply.

"I have nothing to do," he said to no one in particular. "Except paperwork. And I don't want to do that."

Angie was taking a coffee break with Leslie Sears. Derek made a face. Coffee sounded so good…

That's when he saw it.

A perfect, king-size Hershey's White Chocolate bar, lying innocently on the corner of his desk.

Derek looked to his left.

He looked to his right.

He looked up.

He looked down.

He used his new-found Derek powers to look behind him and through the walls. (Whoa, total Neji moment there?!)

No one was there.

Derek took the candy bar and peeled off the wrapper. After all, what could a bit of chocolate do…?

Angie Thompson walked in with her cup of coffee just as Derek swallowed.

She dropped her coffee, which splattered everywhere.

"Derek Stiles…you did NOT just eat that…" she said, the color draining out of her face.

"Wha?" he said.

Angie was perplexed. "Dr. Stiles?"

"Ya?" Derek answered, cocking his head.

Angie put her hands on her hip. "Hmm…I don't see any strange behavior…so I guess white chocolate has no effect on you, Derek."

"Whats you talks about, Angie?" Derek asked. "Chocolate duz no harms."

Angie groaned. "Speak of the devil…"

Derek groaned along with her. "I dun know whats I does last times, but I knows dis isn't good…"

"What am I going to do?" Angie cried.

"I dun know! I wishes I could helpz but I cants!" Derek cried too. "Now my speech is all messed'ed up!"

Angie covered her face. "Derek…you should know that every time you eat chocolate, something really weird happens…"

"What the kitties? Dats not normals!" Derek said, also covering his face.

Angie froze. "What did you just do?"

Derek froze too. "I dun know!"

Angie lifted her hand.

Derek lifted his hand.

Understanding sparked in Angie's green eyes. "Oh, I get it now…" She lowered her hand, and Derek copied her.

"Derek…you're a copycat…with 'Lolcats' speech!"

Derek, Angie, Victor, Leslie, Tyler, Cybil, Sidney, and Dr. Clarks were all assembled in the coffee room.

"What the hell is wrong with him this time?" Victor grumbled.

"He ate white chocolate—"—everyone groaned—"and now he talks with Lolcats speech and copies other people's movements," Angie explained.

"Lolcats?" Tyler said. "I remember those!"

Cybil crossed her arms (Derek copied her). "Now that you mention it…I seem to remember them too."

"What the hell are Lolcats?" Victor said, flexing his hand (which was cramped from holding beakers.)

Derek mimicked the movement, then answered, "They're these kittez who speaks weirds…like meh."

Sidney rubbed his chin. Derek rubbed his own chin.

"Angie, I seem to recall you slapping Derek. After that, he stopped substituting words…maybe you should give it a try," Sidney suggested.

Derek heard. "Oh noes…please don't slaps me!"

Angie took a breath. "Well…here goes."

She slapped Derek across the face…then shrieked and threw Tyler in front of her as Derek copied her motion. Derek's hand smacked Tyler in the face.

"OW!" Tyler screamed.

"Angie, you hits too hard!" Derek whimpered.

Angie sat down. Derek sat down.

"It didn't work," she said, dejected.

"Well, maybe if we use force it will," Cybil said. She straightened up (Derek stood up and straightened).

Cybil produced handcuffs out of nowhere. "I guess my police training still comes—what the hell?!"

Derek held handcuffs in his hands. "I is sorry!" he wailed.

Cybil refused to be defeated, however. "Tyler! Grab his arms!"

"Why me?" Tyler whined, but grabbed Derek's arms. Derek didn't copy him.

"I think it's working!" Victor cried.

"Derek Stiles, you are under arrest!" Cybil said, then handcuffed Derek.

Derek stared at her with his big, shiny eyes. Then, he twisted out of Tyler's grip and broke the handcuffs. He then proceeded to grab Tyler's arm and handcuff him with the pair he had randomly gotten.

Everyone gasped (Derek gasped too.)

"N-no way!" Cybil said. "Those handcuffs are unbreakable! Even the surgical lasers don't work on them!"

"Owowowowow!" Tyler yelled. "Derek, let go!"

"I is sorry! I can't!" Derek apologized, trying to let go.

Victor stepped back a few steps to let a janitor pass. Derek stepped back from Tyler. Cybil un-handcuffed him, while Derek did the same motions in the air.

Victor's black eyes narrowed. "Wait…why didn't he copy that janitor?"

Everyone stared at the janitor, who turned around and said, "Beats me."

Everyone lost interest and went back to Derek.

"All right, let's try this next…"

"Phew!" the janitor sighed, hiding in a room. He pulled out a Hello Kitty cell phone.

"Master, I am here to report," he said into the phone.

A voice came out the other end. "Well, hurry up!"

"Dark chocolate makes him go berserk. Milk chocolate makes him substitute curse words with random words. White chocolate makes him imitate motions, while talking in a peculiar fashion."

There was a deep sigh. "I see dark chocolate is the only one that makes him of any use…very well! We will just have to work a little harder. Soon, our weapon will be complete…and Caduceus will fall to me!" The voice laughed evilly. "Now, Bob…observe our weapon more. Report back to me in two hours." _Click_.

Bob the janitor stared at the Hello Kitty phone. "Yes, Master?"

"Drink!" Victor ordered. Derek whimpered as Victor held the glass full of the frothing black liquid to his mouth. Derek's arms, legs, wrists and ankles were tied with duct tape, bound with rope and shackled with manacles and chains to keep him from moving.

"MMMH!" Derek said, his mouth muffled by Cybil's hand. Her other hand yanked his chin, forcing his jaw open.

"On 3!" Cybil instructed. "1, 2, **3!**"

Victor pressed the glass to Derek's mouth and dumped the liquid in. Derek squirmed and wriggled and tried to force the medicine down as best as he could. He failed, though.

"MMMMH!!!" Derek shouted. Cybil got the message and lugged him to the sink, where he spat the medicine out and threw up.

"Eww," Leslie remarked.

Angie made a face.

Derek got up shakily (Cybil had untied him) and wiped his mouth. "Dat was the worstest thing I has ever tasteds."

"Damn you, Derek," Victor growled. "You're going to pay for making me look like an idiot."

Sidney gave Victor a look. "How did he make you look like an idiot?"

Victor sighed impatiently. "My experiment failed. Therefore, I'm an idiot."

Everyone decided to drop the subject. Derek moaned piteously from the floor, still trying to get rid of the taste of the repulsive liquid.

Dr. Clarks slumped in a chair (Derek attempted to copy him, but he was lying on the floor.)

"We've tried 40 different methods," he said sadly. "We've tried the most bizarre ways…like shoving screws in his knees."

Derek rolled up his pants and showed his knees to everyone. There were Diego Band-Aids all over them, covering the wounds the screws had made.

"Wait, what good do screws do?" Angie asked, confused. Everyone coughed (Derek coughed too) and looked at Victor.

"Hey, I'm not a sadist," he said defensively.

"Uh-huh."

Sidney rubbed his temples. Derek rubbed his own temples.

"Let's keep trying," the director said, and everyone burst into action again.

Bob the janitor hid in the closet and opened his Hello Kitty cell phone. He called his master.

"Master Vakhusti speaking," the voice answered.

"Master, I'm reporting," Bob said.

"Yes, I know that," Master Vakhusti snapped. "And hurry up about it."

"W-well, Master, I have Markus Vaughn with me."

"WHAT?!"

Markus Vaughn (who had suddenly appeared) sighed. "Hand the phone over."

Bob gave him the phone.

"When are you going to drop the stupid costumes and names, Ray?" Markus asked.

"I-I'm not Ray! My name is Master—" Master Vakhusti said.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm not stupid," Markus grumbled. "I'm just saying, don't infect yourself with Stigma again, because I'm not going to come operate."

Master Vakhusti swore on the other line. "Curse you, Markus Vaughn!"

"I'm sick of operating on you, okay? Isn't it good enough for you that I got an XS on all the X missions? Jesus."

"No!"

"Well, that's more than enough for me. Good luck on your 'weapon'." Markus hung up, tossed the phone to Bob the Janitor, and went POOF.

Bob punched in Master Vakhusti's number with clumsy fingers. He failed, and tried again. Six minutes later and after 47 tries, Bob realized he had Master Vakhusti on speed dial.

"What took so long?" Master Vakhusti grumbled.

"I apologize, Master. I-I kept messing up on your number, sir."

"I'm on speed dial! I replaced the voicemail, remember?"

"Y-yes sir, I remember, sir."

"Why didn't you call the speed dial?"

"I-I did, Master."

"All right then, hurry up and finish that report!" Master Vakhusti said impatiently.

Bob gulped. "Sir, they have tried 40 different ways to cure the effects of the chocolate, none of which have worked. They've even nailed screws into the weapon's knees."

"40 ways, and none of which have worked? This is very good. Wait—screws?"

"Yes, sir."

"Why screws?"

"I don't know, sir."

Master Vakhusti huffed. "At least nothing has worked yet. The only problem is…can we control the weapon?"

"Sir, when I walked past the weapon earlier a very scary-looking man remarked how the weapon did not copy me. I think we can, sir."

"Wait, what?" Master Vakhusti asked.

"The weapon didn't—" Bob began.

"I know he didn't copy you!" Master Vakhusti snapped. "Why?"

"I d-don't know, Master," Bob stammered.

"What were you holding when you passed him?" Master Vakhusti inquired.

Bob thought for a minute. "A mop and the phone."

"Walk past him again, _only_ with the mop. Then try the phone."

"Yes, Master."

"Nothing's working," Tyler moaned.

"This sucks," Derek moaned too. "Naos I'm hungreh. Can I has a cheezeburgers?"

"No," Angie said.

"Please can I has a cheezeburgers?"

"No."

"Whats about a cookehs?"

"No."

Derek gave up.

"Excuse me, coming through, sorry!"

Everyone looked up at a short, fat janitor making his way through the room with a mop. (Derek looked up too.)

The janitor pushed his mop around on the floor, generally making the gleaming tiles dirtier than before. Derek mimed pushing a mop on the floor.

"You've already cleaned here," Victor told the janitor.

"I have?" the janitor asked. "Sorry, sir. Can't trust my memory." He waddled away. Cybil grabbed Derek before he could waddle away too.

Victor muttered something unintelligible. "We should get a new janitor. I don't like stupid ones."

"Well?" Master Vakhusti prompted.

"Mop doesn't work, sir," Bob answered.

"What about the phone?"

"W-well, I haven't tried yet, so—"

"Then what are you waiting for?! Go, fool!" Master Vakhusti snapped angrily.

"Y-y-yes, sir, right away, s-sir!" Bob quickly hung up and waddled away as fast as he could.

The Caduceus team was losing hope. Everyone lay slumped in a chair, including Derek, who had done this out of his own free will.

"He'll be fine once he digests the chocolate," Sidney kept repeating, but hours had passed since Derek had eaten that bite of chocolate.

Victor swore. "That fat janitor is back, guys."

He was right. The janitor waddled at the speed of sound. It really wasn't very pretty.

Angie sighed. "I guess we should have tied up Derek. Now he's going to copy him."

Derek sat up. "Wha? I heards my namez."

Everyone stared.

Derek was getting self-conscious. "Whats you all looks at? Is dere somethings on my face?"

Victor waved his hand. Derek waved his hand.

"Why did you copy Victor and not that janitor?" Leslie asked.

"I don't knows," Derek said.

"Well, we'll just have to find out," Cybil said. She stood, striking a very imposing figure. The janitor must have seen her because he waddled a lot faster.

He looked back and found eight pairs of hungry eyes staring after him.

"AFTER HIM!" Tyler shouted.

"MASTER, THE PHONE WORKS BUT NOW I'M BEING CHASED!" Bob yelled into the phone.

"Do not worry, servant. Let them catch you." Master Vakhusti was relaxed.

"What?"

"Let them catch you. And put me on speakerphone."

Bob gulped and pressed the speakerphone button. Cybil lunged for him and pulled his arms back, handcuffing him. Tyler, Victor, Sidney, and Dr. Clarks restrained Derek.

"Look! I bet it's that phone," Victor cried, pointing to the Hello Kitty phone.

Everyone jumped as Master Vakhusti's voice drifted out of the phone.

"Yes, my dear doctors, you are correct! It is precisely this phone that allows one to pass by my weapon without being copied. I am Master Vakhusti, and once I fully develop my weapon, Caduceus will fall to me!"

"What?" Tyler asked. "What weapon? I never saw any weapon."

"You fool!" Master Vakhusti shouted. "You will never understand! My weapon is a thing of terrible beauty…although I really don't approve of the aesthetics that much. But the beauty is in its location, its secrecy, and its cunning!"

Leslie cocked her head. "This guy makes no sense."

"Quiet, girl! You all do not realize my weapon has been in your presence every day," Master Vakhusti sneered.

"Um, coffee?" Tyler guessed. "No, no…bananas! No—"

"You really are an idiot," Master Vakhusti muttered. "I have been experimenting on my weapon, trying to find the perfect ingredient that will make it unstoppable. Now think! Who could it be?"

"Oh, _who! _Naos that helps a lots," Derek said happily. Victor, Tyler, Sidney, and Dr. Clarks hung on to his arms for dear life as he stretched.

"Fool! You are not supposed to speak!" Master Vakhusti admonished.

Angie clapped her hands. "I got it! I know who it is!"

"Who?!" Everyone asked, including Bob the Janitor and Master Vakhusti.

Angie pointed solemnly at Derek. "It's Dr. Stiles."

* * *

"Wait a second," Tyler said. "Stiles? But he's…you know, just Stiles!"

"The idiot is right for once," Victor said.

Derek scratched his head. "I is weapons?"

"I see you have figured it out," Master Vakhusti said. "You are right, girl. The legendary surgeon is my weapon."

Derek was puzzled. "Why meh? I is good doctors, buts—"

Master Vakhusti interrupted him. "You have the Healing Touch, my boy. If you were to turn against Caduceus, who knows what damage you could do? Caduceus would be mine in a few minutes!"

Victor nodded. "He does have a point."

Everyone stared.

"What?" he asked.

"And now! I will be arriving shortly to administer a dose of potion to my weapon. Flee, if you desire to live," Master Vakhusti said. "Do not say I did not warn you."

"I'm outta here!" Tyler said. Angie grabbed him.

"You stay here, mister!" She chastised.

Master Vakhusti laughed evilly. "A warning to you all—this potion contains heavy amounts of dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and white chocolate. It also contains traces of radium and curium."

Everyone groaned. Angie let go of Tyler and stepped forward. She brought the heels of her shoes on the Hello Kitty phone, crushing it.

"Enough of that," she said.

"Angie is mads," Derek noted.

Master Vakhusti cursed. "That insolent girl will pay for disrespecting me!"

He produced a GPS out of nowhere.

"Caduceus...here I come!"

**TO BE CONTINUED. MAYBE.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the super long wait…the teachers have been piling homework and projects on us. I'm trapped at the bottom of a Mt. Everest size of papers, with the computer at the very top. And freezing cold temperatures in between, cuz I lost my coat. Gah.** **And, s****orry for all the typos. I kinda ignored them…cuz I'm lazy…just pretend they aren't there, okay?**

_At Caduceus…_

"Chief Kasal, all traces of chocolate has disappeared from Derek's system," Angie reported.

Sidney Kasal rubbed his face. "Good. Now, we need to watch for this…Master Vakhusti person."

The Caduceus team was gathered in the lobby area. Tyler slouched in one of the chairs, his feet propped on the coffee table. Leslie perched on the armrest of Tyler's chair. Dr. Clarks sat across from Tyler. Victor stood, his arms crossed. Sidney stood too, with Angie beside him.

Derek Stiles glanced down at his hands. They were tied together with some very strange material.

"What is this thing?" he asked, showing Cybil Myers his bound wrists.

She looked at him. "What do you think?"

He held his hands to his face, twisting them and trying to get a better view. "It looks like steel, only, uh…not. Like…yeah."

Victor made a noise. "I developed that material a few hours ago, right after Nurse Thompson crushed the phone."

"You still haven't told me what it's made of."

"You—"

Victor was saved from answering when a high pitched squeal sounded. Bob the Janitor squirmed uncomfortably from the corner of the room. He was tied up and looked like he was thrown there without much concern for his well-being.

"Uh, I think he's in pain," Leslie noted.

Cybil shrugged. "Not my problem."

"But you were the one who threw him."

"As I said, not my problem."

Victor cleared his throat. He held up a tiny glass vial filled with orange liquid.

Derek groaned. "Not another—"

Victor glared at him, silencing him. "Just listen. I developed this too. It's made from pieces of the Hello Kitty phone. If we inject everyone with a little bit of this, it should keep Derek's copy-cat ability useless on us."

That being said, Victor took a syringe, filled it up, and injected everyone.

"Turn right in 100 meters," a disembodied female voice said.

Master Vakhusti growled. "You have been telling me to turn right for twenty minutes!"

"Turn right in 50 feet."

"Curse you!" Master Vakhusti turned the steering wheel right.

After a considerable amount of time, he arrived at the Caduceus building. He didn't even stop to admire it.

"Caduceus…I have arrived! Now, you will be mine…"

"Chief Kasal!" Leslie gasped, looking out the window. "It's Master Vakhusti!"

Tyler and Derek rushed to the window. They spotted a man in a long cloak walking towards the building.

"Dude," Tyler said. "Look at his car."

It was a pink and green Volkswagen Beetle.

"It looks like he drove a cake here," Derek said disapprovingly.

"Totally, man. That's a total nuh-uh."

"That kangaroo next to his car is pretty sweet, though."

"Everyone! To your positions!" Sidney ordered, bringing everyone's attention back to him. "Whatever you do, _do not let him reach Derek!_"

The room was full of groans, cheers, and war cries as everyone rushed out.

"Chief Kasal, I can help too!" Derek said.

Angie glared. "No!"

"Really!" Derek protested. "I can!"

Sidney sighed. "I know you have potential, Derek…but now is not the time. Your safety is our top priority. You will stay in Operating Room 14."

Derek stared. "We have an OR 14?"

"Well, yes. Its location was kept a secret."

"Why?"

"I'm not exactly sure why. Derek, I will bring you there. Angie, please go to your position now."

"Yes, sir." Angie ran off.

Sidney led Derek down a maze of twisting hallways. It turned out Operating Room 14 was _inside_ of the storage closet. Sidney brandished a key, stuck it in an orange, and twisted. The orange suddenly opened. Like, _opened_ opened. Like a book. You know.

Derek gawked. He saw the edge of an operating table, some machinery, and some other stuff. "What am I supposed to do, exactly?"

Sidney steered him in front of the orange. "Jump."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, as a matter of fact I am not kidding." Sidney gave Derek a push. The doctor tumbled in, headfirst. There was a nasty-sounding _thud_ and a _crash_. And a _thump, _followed by a _whump_ and a _clang_. And don't forget the _beep_.

"Ow." Derek picked himself up gingerly. He looked up and saw Sidney looming over, the same size he was before.

"Derek, it looks like you landed on some of the machinery. Try to get that fixed, okay? And I believe you broke your pager as well, which would explain the nonstop beeping that I'm hearing. Good luck, Derek." Sidney stepped back.

"Wait, Chief!" Derek cried. "Please, take me with you! I want to know what's going on."

Sidney considered this. "Okay."

Derek was surprised.

Sidney picked up the orange, took out the key and put the orange in his pocket.

_You know, I never knew an orange could hold so much,_ he thought, exiting the storage closet.

Tyler saw Vakhusti first.

_Vakhusti, here I come,_ he thought evilly.

Master Vakhusti was walking down the first hallway when he saw the kid.

Very dirty (as in like unwashed) blond hair, squinty eyes, super thick glasses, suspenders, a vest and shorts pulled up high over a checkered shirt with a bow tie. The kid was as tall as Vakhusti himself, and the kid carried a large, very heavy looking plate-bowl thing modeled in the shape of a very fat dragon. Vakhusti died a little on the inside. _His_ fashion sense was bad enough, but this kid…yuck.

"Good morning, sir!" The kid greeted in a nasally voice."Would you like to buy some Dragon Scout Muffins?"

Vakhusti's eyes narrowed. "Dragon Scouts?"

"Yes, Dragon Scouts! The very best EVER!" The kid enthused. "So, want some muffins?"

"Move aside."

The kid's face broke into a very evil grin. He raised the fat dragon. "Wrong answer, Vakhusti."

Cybil Myers burst into Sidney Kasal's office, breathless and panting.

Sidney sat at his desk. His pen scribbled furiously across the many papers that lay before him.

An innocent orange was sitting beside an empty picture frame.

Sidney looked up. "May I help you, Cybil?"

"Sir, Vakhusti defeated Tyler and Dr. Clarks. He's on Leslie right now, but I don't think she'll last long. At this rate, he could get to Derek in no time. I don't know what he's doing, but _I don't like it_. My middle fingers are twitching."

"Is that bad?"

"That is VERY, VERY BAD."

Sidney drew a hand down his face. "This does not bode well."

Cybil harrumphed. "No, it doesn't. And I thought you hated all oranges." Sidney glanced at the orange, which was still lying innocently on his desk. "No, I like oranges."

Cybil's eyebrows went way up. "And Derek is in the orange," she said sarcastically.

"Why, yes, he is in the orange."

Cybil walked to the opposite wall and banged her head against the wall. "How the hell did he get in an orange?"

"That doesn't matter. Cybil, I'm going to entrust this orange to you." Sidney picked up the orange and placed it in Cybil's hands.

"You make sure this stays safe. Meanwhile, I am going to ride to Hope Hospital and see if I can get my brother."

Derek sat cross-legged on the floor of OR 14 (OR, orange, get it? Haha…yeah…um…yeah.) He was staring intently at the giant plasma screen TV, connected to the Nintendo Everything, gaming away. He was oblivious to whatever was happening outside of his orange.

_Meanwhile…_

Cybil punched Vakhusti in the face. He fell back, but got back up without even a single mark on him.

"See? This is all pointless!" he cackled.

Cybil growled.

"Am I making you mad?" Vakhusti taunted. He thrust out his hand, and Cybil flew backwards. She hit the wall. An orange fell out of her pocket. Vakhusti picked it up.

Cybil got up. She wasn't hurt at all (CYBIL POWERS!). But she saw the orange in Vakhusti's hand, and she groaned.

"Give me back the orange!" She commanded.

Vakhusti snickered. "Why should I?"

"Because _I_ said so."

Vakhusti waved his hand and a knife appeared. "Actually, I'm quite hungry. This orange should do."

Cybil's eyes grew round with horror. "No!" She lunged forward, but she was too late.

Master Vakhusti's knife went clean through the orange, slicing it in halves. However, no juice came out.

Instead, an entire room popped out. Like, inflatable balloon popped out. In no time, Cybil and Vakhusti were absorbed into the biggest OR ever.

Derek sat with a controller in his hands. "Dude! I was playing Final Fantasy XXXXXXXVIII! You killed me!"

Derek noticed Vakhusti. "Jesus?"

Vakhusti sighed. "No! I am Master Vakhusti!

"No, you look like Jesus."

"Shut up, boy. I must do something to you."

Vakhusti grinned wickedly. He grabbed Derek's arm and held up a syringe full of scary purple liquid.

Derek's face went white. "Oh no you—"

A very beat-up, strangely dressed Tyler rushed into the room, along with a battered Leslie and Dr. Clarks. They saw what was happening and stopped dead with horror. Vakhusti thrust out a hand and chains appeared, securing them all (including Cybil) to the wall.

Derek got mad. "HEY! THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS! YOU—"

"BEHOLD! MY WEAPON!" Vakhusti screamed for all to hear, then jammed the needle into Derek's arm.

Everyone watched in horror (that's got to be the 500th time I've used that word) as Derek collapsed on the ground, writhing in pain. His Caduceus uniform turned black and his eyes began glowing.

"Uh oh," Tyler whimpered.

Vakhusti laughed. "Now you will see the true magnitude of my weapon! And, by the way, that liquid only has dark chocolate and uranium in it. I call it _Vakhustium_."

Derek blinked and stared at an orange peel on the floor. Neon red beams shot from his eyes and the peel disintegrated into nothing.

"Laser vision," Derek muttered. "Awesome."

"Kill them all!" Vakhusti ordered.

Derek stared at him, his face blank. Vakhusti ducked as laser beams flew over his head.

"Watch where you look!" Vakhusti yelled, and shoved a pair of Ray-Bans onto Derek's face.

"May I' help you, sir?" Derek asked.

"I said kill them!"

Derek looked around at his friends stuck to the wall. "My buddies?"

"Yes! Your 'buddies'!"

Derek got very, very angry. "NO! I'M NOT GONNA KILL MY FRIENDS!"

Vakhusti growled. "You are under my command! Do what I—OOF."

Derek kicked Vakhusti in the gut and he flew backwards.

"No way," Derek said. "That was like…10x harder than it was supposed to be."

"YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!" Vakhusti screamed. He picked up a giant broadsword.

Just then, all time froze. Derek looked at everyone. He hadn't activated any Healing Touch.

"Kid, look over here!"

Derek jumped a mile (literally, a mile), then turned around at the random voice.

Markus Vaughn was leaning against a wall with a really bored expression on.

"You want to get rid of Vakhusti, right?" he said, examining his nails in a very bored fashion.

"Yeah, I want to kill him!" Derek said.

"Uh-huh. Does this look familiar?" Markus asked, holding up a Wii game case.

"Trauma Center: New Blood?" Derek asked, confused. "No. Is it supposed to?"

Markus sighed (bored). "I don't know. But all you need to know is to get rid of Vakhusti, you have to play the last level. You operate on Stigma, and he dies after you beat it."

Derek stared (luckily, his shades were still on). "How do I know when I get to the last level?"

"It's called 'Master Vakhusti'."

"…Really?"

"Uh-huh. Hey, kid, I gotta go. See ya," Markus said, and disappeared.

Derek kept staring after him. "Weird…"

Time resumed, and Vakhusti glared daggers at him. "You—"

"**Not so fast.**"

Everyone looked at Victor, who was wearing a black cloak over his Caduceus uniform and holding a giant NERF gun.

Vakhusti laughed. "And what do you think you can do with a water gun?"

"This," Victor said simply, and sprayed acid in Vakhusti's face.

"AHHH!" he screamed, clawing his face. He locked gazes with Victor. They stared into each other's faces, eyes full of pure hate.

And got engaged in a full-blown serum battle.

"DEREK!" Victor shouted, blasting sedative everywhere. "Just play the damn game already!"

"Oh, right," Derek mumbled, then stuck the disc in the Nintendo Everything. He used his Derek powers and turned the controller into a Wii-mote and a nunchuk. He selected the game and waited impatiently for it to go to the title screen. He picked a save file and opened it and—his mouth dropped open in disbelief.

"I HAVE TO PLAY THE ENTIRE GAME?!" he yelled. "WHAT?!"

"JUST PLAY THE GODDAMN GAME, DEREK!" Victor yelled back.

Derek took a deep breath. "I can do this."

He began playing.

_One hour later…_

"Are you fucking done yet?!" Victor asked impatiently. He and Vakhusti were taking a coffee break (both of their arms were exhausted.)

"I'm on 1-8! Almost!"

_Another hour later…_

"It's been two hours, Derek!" Cybil said.

"I'm sorry! I'm so bad at aneurysms!"

"COME ON, DEREK! IT'S A **GAME!**_**"**_

"IT'S HARD OKAY?!"

Vakhusti had been trying to break the Nintendo Everything for the past two hours, and it was up to the Caduceus team to keep him from doing that. Now, he reached sneakily for the console…

"Not so fast!" Cybil snarled, and stuck her middle fingers up. Machine gun bullets burst from them and hit Vakhusti, who luckily was wearing a bullet-proof cloak. He screamed and cowered.

"Told you it wasn't good when my middle fingers twitch," Cybil muttered.

_Two more hours later…_

"Hurry up, Derek!" Leslie begged while kicking Vakhusti.

"I'm sorry!" he wailed. "I'm doing Onyx."

_Two minutes later…_

"Oh shit! He died."

Everyone groaned. Vakhusti groaned with pain.

_Two __**more**__ hours later…_

"Second to last mission!" Derek reported. "The Lady of the Castle!"

Everyone cheered.

Then…

"Oops, I killed her."

More groaning.

_Ten minutes later…_

"Alright! Last mission!" Derek cried.

Vakhusti's eyes popped. "NOOOO!"

He grabbed onto Derek.

Tyler's eyes turned red. "YOU DO NOT CLING ONTO MY BEST FRIEND!"

And with that, Tyler found his powers. He burst out of his chains and held up his hands. Demented, very hard and burnt muffins materialized in his palms. They caught on fire, but didn't seem to affect Tyler's skin at all. He hurled them at Vakhusti, who dodged but kept a firm hold on Derek.

"Tyler, get him off of me!" Derek begged. "I can't take off the membranes fast enough!"

There was a very ugly sound coming from the TV.

"Each time Stigma touches a red membrane, his vitals drop permanently!" Derek explained. No one understood him.

Vakhusti smacked Derek in the head and the same ugly sound resounded.

"Look what you did!" Derek said. "You've got 35 vitals, max! And it's only going to get a lot more intense from now on!"

Sure enough, sounds of many, many lacerations being made was heard.

"ACK! YOU HAVE 1 VITAL!" Derek shouted while injecting the electronic patient with stabilizer, suturing, and forceps-ing at the same time. Fortunately, the Vakhustium was allowing him to move 100 times his normal speed, and he did this very quickly.

"CURSE YOU, DRAGON SCOUT!" Vakhusti screamed as flaming muffins hit him in the face. Leslie kicked her legs, and her shoes flew off and smacked him in the back of the head. Cybil opened fire with her machine gun middle fingers.

There was a continuous noise now, and it sounded like mini-bullets. Derek shouted, "Oh shit! Stigma's doing it's ring of death! There's no way I can—"

There was the sound of many tumors bursting at the same time, but the electronic Vakhusti did not die. Derek stared at the screen, utterly confused.

Markus's head poked out from behind the TV. "Hey, kid."

"You! But—how—I—" Derek stuttered.

"I was tampering with the electronics to help you. Now hurry up and finish!"

Derek did as he was told, suturing the incision and bandaging it with the utmost care.

Vakhusti took one look at the screen and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Then there was a _Bzzzt!_ sound, and Vakhusti literally fell into many, many pieces. The robotic pieces burst into flames, then disappeared.

Angie Thompson stood where Vakhusti used to stand, a bundle of ripped up cords in her hand.

"Am I finally back in the picture?" She asked mildly.

Everyone stared at Angie.

"Angie! Where have you been?!" Derek cried.

"I was in the break room. I dragged Bob the Janitor there and monitored him. And when I heard all this screaming, I came to investigate. I saw an electronic panel on Vakhusti's back and took him apart."

"Electronic panel? I never saw any electronic panel," Cybil said.

"Well, the back of his cloak looked like it got shot with bullets and burned with fire. There was a hole, and I saw part of it. I don't think anyone had a gun, though," Angie said. It was her turn to be confused.

Cybil and Tyler exchanged glances. They decided was better to allow their powers remain…well, secret for now.

Angie regarded them briefly, then leveled her gaze at Derek. "What have you been up to?"

"I was playing through this game to get to the last level to kill Vakhusti."

"What?"

Derek was saved from explaining, because at that moment Sidney and Greg Kasal stumbled into the room.

"Oh my," Sidney remarked as he saw the room. It looked like it had been through an explosion. The operating table was on the ceiling.

Greg frowned. "I don't remember there being an OR here."

Sidney ignored him and looked at the team. "Did any of you get hurt?"

Derek looked down at his feet, his black uniform, the Wii-mote and nunchuk in his hand, the burnt muffins, and said: "No, sir, Vakhusti left a few minutes ago."

Sidney rubbed his face. "I'm glad you're all safe. Tyler, why are you dressed like that?"

Tyler ran away, shouting, "I DON'T KNOW, SIR!"

Everyone was confused.

Derek coughed. "I think I need a new pager, sir," he said to Sidney.

"Yes, Derek. Right away."

Derek looked thoughtful for a minute, and Angie's eyebrows raised as she saw the rare expression.

Victor must have noticed too because his brow furrowed, his eyebrows meeting in a dangerous V. He tightened his grip on his NERF gun.

Markus, who was leaning in a very bored way, straightened and frowned.

Derek's face suddenly lit up like a little kid confronted with giant balloons and cake. He held up the Wii-mote and the nunchuk.

"Who wants to play some Trauma Center?"

**THE END.**

**I know it was terrible, but I love it all the same. OR 14 is the bomb.**


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